Vegas Vacation

Thursday
4 am: Leaving for the airport, too god damn early to be doing anything.

445 am: I'm getting on the plane, this plane sucks, U.S. Airways is the worst airline I've ever been on, worse than AirTran (the airline that gave away free tickets in exchange for Wendy's cups.)

615 am: Paid 2$ for a bottle of water ON THE PLANE. bullshit.

10 am: Landed in vegas, met up with Max, taking peasant shuttle bus to MGM GRAND. the rest of our party doesn't arrive til 4, lots of time to kill with no money at all.

2 pm: Participated in a test audience for a new episode of "The Mentalist" because we actually had NOTHING better to do in VEGAS.

4 pm: Rendezvous with ballers, went up to our suite which was bigger than my parents house. MGM SKY LOFTS


5 pm: Massage at the spa

545 pm: This Entry Has Been Omitted.

8 pm: $2000 dinner at Shibuya. $300 bottles of Saki.

9 pm: gamblero it up, losing of course

1030 pm: Hanging out at some lounge in the casino drinking lots of free shit.

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3 am: room service veggie burger and 10 thousand fries

4 am: sleep.

Friday
1 pm: breakfast

3 pm: hanging out at the pool

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11 pm: went to da club and gave Sug Knight a pound

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2 am: took the MAYBACH for a spin around town


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7 am: sleep

Saturday
10 am: $60 breakfast by myself

11 am: took the MAYBACH to Caesars

12 pm: $500 + 50 tournament. 372 players

8 pm: aces get cracked by pocket 9's. only 13 places out of the money.

9 pm: This Entry Has Been Omitted.

10 pm: changed my flight to stay an extra day

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630 am: pancakes (not vegan, woops) need sleeeeepakj!!!

730 am: sleep

Sunday
12 pm: breakfast buffet, skipped the line because we are VIP

2 pm: This Entry Has Been Omitted.

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7 pm: Cirquedosoil

830 pm: more expensive ass food somewhere in the Belagio

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5 am: sleep

Monday
12 pm: room service

1 pm: MAYBACH to the airport. dont make me leave!!!

2 pm: flight home, surrounded by the worst humans ever. Perfect way to remind me that real life is just not as good as Vegas.

Must get rich.

Public Service Announcement

Christina is a friend of ours that has this...slight problem. She LOVES to have babies though.

H-twenty

Just after this someone mentioned that Toby wasn't sure if the "O" in h2o was the letter O or a zero.

Just before this the guy on the right [my left] grabbed my ass.

We used to fuckin party man

Torture Rack Comedy is destined for wolrd domination, get into it.


WATERBOARDING from TORTURE RACK on Vimeo.

Illiterate English Teacher

CNN.com reports that despite being illiterate, John Corcoran taught english for 17 years.

VIDEO: English teacher couldn't read.


Sources say: Corcoran still enjoys looking at the pictures.



I'd like to know how he wrote that book.

A solemn goodbye to one of the best

One of the most amazing on screen personalities of our time recently passed away. Me and some of my friends put together this tribute. You will not be forgotten. RIP HEATH....



Heath is survived by the Catillac Cats and his best friend Garfield.


In all seriousness though, the loss of Heath Ledger was a terrible tragedy. I honestly feel bad for making light of it, so as a real show of respect for a great man, here...


REST IN PEACE HEATH LEDGER. :[